As our holiday season is officially in full swing, our days become full with family gatherings, holiday parties, parades, and hectic shopping in stores full of stressed-out people.
“Anything anyone says or does is to meet a basic human need.” – Marshall Rosenberg, American Psychologist and author of Nonviolent Communication
We all experience stress regularly, but negative reactions to stress show up most when we relate to and engage with other people, and with all the social events this can be amplified. The holidays tend to bring out the best and the worst in us.
The joy of connecting with family and friends can quickly turn into meeting other people’s expectations from a sense of obligation or overreacting to the people closest to you because someone said something that triggered you.
Take a moment to identify how you react or respond to stress.
Most people today experience so much stress daily that it can be hard to notice when it affects you. Everyone is different so it’s important to understand your own signals when stress is getting out of hand.
What is your automatic coping strategy?
These are some behaviors you might notice in yourself or others when you are pushed too hard and some things you may try instead:
- Drink alcohol as a social lubricant
- Try: Trusting you are enough. Trust yourself to relate to people even without a glass of wine, opt for other beverages, and find something you like about the other person.
- Get angry and snap at others when triggered
- Try: First, take a deep breath, pause before you react, and tune into what is really important to you in this situation. Communicate calmly about your feelings and your needs.
- Shut down
- Try: Recognize it’s not personal. What someone else says is always an expression of their own thoughts and beliefs. Have you heard of the book What You Think of Me is None of My Business? – the title says it all. Try staying open-minded and listen to what is important to yourself and others.
To understand what is really behind the stress you are experiencing, look deeper at the needs that are motivating your actions. Another way to think of needs is to think of your values. Ask, “What is important to me in this situation?”
Reframing the situation and understanding your underlying needs can bring a new perspective:
Consider reframing:
- “The in-laws are coming, and the house must be spotless so I’m not criticized.”
- You may need acceptance, recognition, or collaboration.
- “My family’s political views are different from mine, and I’m anxious about alienating relationships.”
- You may need connection, understanding, or a shared reality.
- “I’m overspending on gifts because I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
- You may need love, recognition, or acceptance.
- “I’m exhausted and overwhelmed by holiday travel.”
- You may need rest, support, or appreciation for your efforts.
- “All this junk food makes me feel terrible.”
- You may need self-compassion, trust, and valuing yourself.
When we focus on our feelings and needs and communicate them effectively, we increase the likelihood of everyone’s needs being met. Gratitude can also reframe stressful situations. Try shifting from “I have to” to “I get to” for a fresh perspective.
The reality is that our needs won’t always be met, but starting to understand them is an important step in taking the edge off stress and bringing greater clarity and ease to your relationships.
Why managing stress is important right now and what you can do to protect yourself.
Increased stress means more adrenaline and cortisol, causing issues such as inflammation, disruptive sleep patterns, and a burden on the immune system when left unchecked. Over time, elevated adrenaline and cortisol can leave us vulnerable to infections, inflammation, and other issues. Keeping our stress and negative emotions in check can be just as important as taking extra immune boosters like vitamin C and zinc.
Strategies to thrive through the holidays:
- Focus on the Basics
- Prioritize hydration: Drink a 16 oz glass of water first thing in the morning.
- Optimize breathing: Spend a few minutes daily near a tree or indoor plants. Practice the 4-7-8 breath to calm your mind (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale slowly for 8).
- Make a Not-To-Do List
- Give yourself permission to let go of tasks that aren’t priorities. Delegate what you can.
- Schedule Time Alone
- Recharge with meditation, prayer, journaling, or a hot bath. Protecting your alone time can be a game-changer.
By embracing small, intentional changes, you can navigate the holidays with more clarity, ease, and joy.
On that note, I wish you truly happy holidays filled with joy, connection, and inner peace.
Love, Coach Anna